Attack of the Bears: Cocaine Bear and Winnie the Pooh B&H

Posted on 14th Mar 2023 by Hailey Roebuck

Two very different films, two very different approaches to the horror genre. One thing in common: killer bears!

Cocaine Bear is the perfect example of ‘it’s so bad, it’s good’ when it comes to outlandish films. Take a simple, real life, concept of a bear ingesting cocaine and ramp it up to 100!

What makes this work is that it doesn’t take itself too seriously – how can you take a film about a drug addicted bear seriously? – and injects the right amount of comedy with perfect timing. The CGI bear looks great, and it seems like the motion captor actor had a really good time with the cast while filming; there’s also an injection of personality in the bear itself that adds to the comic relief.

The kills? Fantastic, even if the majority of them were by humans and not the bear. The characters were entertaining and even had some development towards the end.

The downside? A lot of the kills were done by humans. It makes sense in the long run, panic breeds mistakes and who wouldn’t panic with an unpredictable, drugged up bear causing havoc? But it’s just too many.

Rating: 4/5. Needs more bear kills.

I boarded the hype train when I first heard about Blood and Honey. Winnie the Pooh and Piglet on a killing spree? Revenge against Christopher Robin?

YES!

Wait…no?

I feel that three types of people went in to watch this film:

Those who expected the film to be terrible, and only saw the terrible.
Those who had low expectations, and got exactly what they expected.
Those with high expectations, and were disappointed.

I’m in the middle. Did I expect great things from this film? No, but I didn’t expect this.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey feels like two films mixed together; almost like halfway through filming they learnt Pooh was going to be in public domain and decided to slap him in. What is pitched as Pooh’s revenge against his human friend is actually a typical cabin in the woods slasher against a group of Mary Sue girls; Christopher Robin only plays a small part in the whole thing.

Let me clarify that there’s nothing wrong with an old fashioned serial slasher/cabin in the woods film – it’s a tried and true horror trope – but something about the way Blood and Honey did it feels off. Again, like it’s two films mixed up, as though it started out as serial cannibals in the woods who then became Pooh and Piglet.

The story of how Pooh and Piglet became killers is great. It fits. Their hatred for Christopher is valid. How the girls fit into it? They don’t. They’re just there as killer fodder.

A lot of the kills were uninspired, which for a slasher isn’t a bad thing, but I saw openings for something more creative that just wasn’t taken – this could be down to budget, there are some CGI effects on the kills so the maybe the money wasn’t there for anything better.

Also, it feels like a lot has been cut out, giving it plot holes, and it just glosses over the fact that Pooh can SUMMON BEES!? Can I get an explanation for that?

So, despite what seems to be a negative rant, why don’t I hate it?

It has potential. I can see it with a better budget!

Rating: 3/5. Personally, I would have set the film in the 80/90’s, and tied the girls to Christopher as a group of his friends from college to make it feel more complete. It needs some polish, and hopefully a bigger budget will help with that.

The Craft: 1996 vs 2020

Posted on 18th Apr 2021 by Hailey Roebuck

As if last year wasn’t bad enough, I find out there’s a ‘soft reboot’ /sequel to the amazing film The Craft! I don’t remember asking for one, nor did anyone else for that matter.

Let’s talk the very few similarities: new girl moves to town, new girl has fear of snakes, new girl is naturally gifted. That checks all the boxes so far. Love spell on the asshole bully. Check. Asshole bully becomes woke…

Wait, what?

Back to that later. There are other subtle nods to the original film, if you squint; and while the young coven claim to be witches, what they do is child’s play compared to the ’96 version.

The ’96 version was an edgy work of art that pointed my teenage self (way back when) into the arms of Paganism and Wicca; like many before me, I was in awe of what the girls accomplished in the film and yet not all that disappointed to learn it was, in places, exaggerated. The characters in the ’96 Craft were deep and relatable – particularly if you were a social outcast in high school – and the film’s character development was well paced, with each coven member having a reason for their spells, and a satisfying ending; it also teaches you lessons about the real craft of being a witch, that your actions have consequences.

What do we know about the ’96 coven? Sarah’s mother died in childbirth and she was also a witch, Nancy wants out of her trailer-trash life, Bonnie’s body is badly scarred from a childhood accident, and Rochelle is racially abused by a member of the diving team.

What do we learn about the 2020 coven? Lilly is a natural witch, Lourdes is trans (I think? It was mentioned so briefly in passing), Tabby wants more ‘black friends’ and Frankie…um…Frankie wants Lilly’s stepbrother’s dick?

So not a lot, at least nothing in depth and hardly relatable; they had a foundation to build on with Lourdes’ trans character, but quickly brush it under the carpet, instead they only focus on Lilly and the other coven members get pushed to the background.

The 2020 version is so incredibly woke it’s boring – except the main wokeness is only about the misogyny the men around the coven have; from Timmy’s sexist behaviour to Lilly’s stepdad’s masculinity seminars and groups, the anti-misogyny slaps you so hard in the face your head spins and it overshadows a film that is supposed to be about witchcraft and sisterhood.

The only real spell the girls do is the one that makes Timmy become more sensitive to women’s issues and gay rights – and later a binding spell against Lilly; there’s no shapeshifting or glamour spells, or any real witchcraft rituals.

The ending is anti-climatic, the big, bad boss fight is a fizzle and then the plot twist…

Lilly is Nancy’s daughter!

If you don’t remember how the ’96 film ended, Nancy was locked up in the funny-farm and, according to this film, never left; how is Lilly hers? You’d have to speculate two options:

Nancy did get out at one point and ended up back in there sometime after Lilly was born.
Nancy never left, too traumatised by her battle with Sarah, and possibly taken advantage of by a male orderly in the hospital leading to Lilly’s adoption.

Who knows? Not us, apparently not the writer either because they don’t care to give us a reason.

In conclusion, stick to the ’96 Craft, but if you have to watch the…’sequel’ then have the original on hand to cleanse the soul.

Rapid-fire Review 1

Posted on 5th Apr 2021 by Hailey Roebuck

Welcome to the first Rapid-fire Review, the place where I quickly review a bunch of horror films with my S/O. Let’s get started!

10 Cloverfield Lane

As much as I hated Cloverfield (especially if you know I normally hate found footage films), knowing that 10 Cloverfield Lane isn’t exactly attached to it – just part of an anthology – I felt giving it a go only seemed fair.

If you were to wake up after an accident in an underground bunker, with some guy telling you the world ended would you believe him? Some signs point to yes, others shout at you that this dude has an unhealthy obsession with his daughter and you’re her replacement.

Spoiler, it’s both. I was actually disappointed that crazy bunker man was right, the world was invaded by aliens – but that’s just J. J Abrams for you.

4/5 just for the disappointing ending.

Benny Loves You

Mother T’razor is my favourite Benny costume!

Your toys love you more than you think, and there are consequences when you try to throw them away…

In this dark British comedy, stuffed toy Benny won’t be thrown away so easily, he just loves you so much he’ll even kill for you! This film turned out way different from what I expected; instead of Benny terrorising his owner, he becomes the inspiration his best friend needs in order to keep his job – and murders everything else that person might love!

Originally 10/5 for cute dog, but lost 5 points for what they did to it. Solid 5/5 for hilarity and cuteness, I very much love Benny too.

Cleaver: Rise of the Killer Clowns & Cleavers

I’m still wondering how it got a sequel…

When a husband catches his wife in bed with another man, he dons a clown outfit and slaughters them both; a year later, on Halloween, he’s back to claim what is his…the daughter he left behind – hunting down every girl her age in foster care, and killing anyone in the way.

The first film is a poor, green washed, poorly directed and obviously dodgy effects with toy cars and tights for intestines; so imagine our surprise when we discovered a sequel! While Cleavers has much better lighting and effects – and a budget as a whole – the acting it still flat and Cleaver the Clown was better without lines of his own.

2/5: For slight improvement.

Slashers

If Takeshi’s Castle was a horror theme show instead of an obstacle course, it would be this…but better! Slashers is a Japanese game show where six contestants try to survive long enough against three killers to with a cash prize, but everything is real, including the blood!

A special show invites six Americans to face Preacherman, Chainsaw Charlie and Dr. Ripper; if contestants kill one of the serial killers, more money is added to the prize. Dr. Ripper has an obsession with the girls boobs, Preacherman is kind of boring but I could have watched a film around Chainsaw Charlie! It’s well paced, but the acting is horrible and the effects are a bit hit and miss.

3.5/5: Curiously entertaining for a cheesy slasher film, but fits in well for a Japanese style game show.

Curse of the Scarecrow

Don’t play the traffic light game with a killer scarecrow!

This could have been something great, with a good lore and backstory; after a man is brutally murdered by the locals, he vows revenge and fulfills that promise every twenty years. In a small British town, one young woman faces her past by returning to the farm where her parents were murdered twenty years previously, and her brother ‘committed suicide’ more recently. She takes her best friend, and her shrink with her; her friend is there for moral support and her shrink tries to use the time to convince her that a scarecrow didn’t murder her parents.

It wasn’t a bad film, but the script lacked obvious dialogue as characters would often repeat the same lines they’ve just said in the same scene; there’s also a part where the friend, in the above picture, is oblivious the scarecrow is alive when it has obviously moved from the back wall where she found it!!

3/5: I liked it, but it needed something more? It needed a less obvious twist to it for sure, though.

Clowntergeist

Clowntergeist started off strong with the killer clown trope, a monster clown that gives you the date and time of your demise; however…it slows down…A LOT, it felt a lot longer than the hour and a half-ish length.

We found it difficult to fathom why the clown kept tormenting his victim before her actual date of death – to increase her already fear of clowns? She already had a phobia, how much more scared can she get? Or why the clown was going after other people too? Like her friends.

2/5: Drags on far too long, didn’t make much sense for something with potential.

Fantasy Island

I’ve never seen the original TV series, but I can sum up the film plot in one sentence:

Girl gets revenge for not getting the dick of the guy she met once.

Honestly though, it’s a good film! The premise of people’s fantasies not turning out the way they hoped was really cool, and I enjoyed figuring out what would go wrong. The characters are great, I loved the way some of the fantasies overlapped into one another but the main reason for the revenge is just so stupid!

4/5: Seriously could have been full marks if it wasn’t for that stupid reason for revenge, it let the whole film down.

Sharknado: A Love Letter

Posted on 6th Feb 2021 by Hailey Roebuck

Sharknado sounds like a bad film with the worst CGI effects, and either starring celebrities we’ve never heard of, or those who haven’t been in a film in years; this film series is exactly that and more – and it succeeds in being the so-bad-it’s-good that it has six films overall.

The first trio of films took themselves fairly seriously – these are about shark tornados, how serious can you get? – and tapered off into something outlandish and off the wall where you’re left wondering who smoked what in the writer’s room; the following three films fell into long running puns, jabs at classics and, somewhere, even weirder stories which somehow contained lore.

Yes, you read right, Sharknado has LORE! Sharknados have been around since the dawn of the dinosaurs and were controlled by a mystical stone and machine in Egypt; either to summon or disperse the phenomenon at will.

However, this series has kept one theme close to its heart: Family. Fin Shepherd’s undying devotion to wife, April, and their kids shouts loud and proud with each silly sequel; no matter the place, era, robot or human, Fin’s main goal has always been his family.

Is that what has made Sharknado so successful? Or was it the balls the writers and producers had to see how far they could take the idea?

This success and following has led to some major celebrity cameos; from Frankie Muniz all the way to Dolph Lundgren, this includes Gilbert Gottfried, Alaska (Rupaul’s Drag Race), Dog the Bounty Hunter, Neil Degrasse Tyson and many more!

The characters are really enjoyable. The whole Shepherd family live by a ride or die attitude, Nova is a great badass addition that gives the films a kick ass female lead – not that April doesn’t kick ass herself, but something about Nova just screams ‘girl power’ in every film she’s in; Sky was also a great addition when needed.

Did the series end on a strong note? Not really, but where do you end a series of films based on a tornado full of sharks? Could it have been left alone at number five, with Fin lost to a destroyed world? Did it need the wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey plot to bring about a happily ever after that six gave us? No, but we also didn’t need five whole sequels and we got them anyway!

Yes, that’s a dinosaur. Yes, it is Sharknado related.

I think, despite the ‘get out of jail free’ ending where the world resets, Sharknado brings chaotic enjoyment that you don’t have to think too hard about; it’s a dumb set of films brilliantly executed and you can laugh over the cameo appearances of celebs you like – or dislike – along the way.

The tribute to John Heard at the end of five was also very nice.

Kevin’s dad tried to escape the Mafia life…then he got eaten.

I love this series, it contains all my favourite things a ‘bad’ horror film should have; I’m sad to see the end, but happy to have enjoyed the crazy ride!

Jurassic Thunder

Posted on 17th Jan 2021 by Hailey Roebuck

Look at that cover, the one that promises explosions, ruined buildings and awesome dinosaurs…

I was fooled by the cover again. This should be considered false advertisement!

Jurassic Thunder had the potential to be so-bad-it’s-good kind of film; instead, driven by a need to have dinosaurs with mounted machines guns, the creator comes up with this mess of dino shit. Now, I love me some shit CGI and photoshop effects, just not in every scene; so, rather than trying to follow the random, thrown together by a five year old, plot I’m distracted by ‘actors’ shooting in random directions, or waving their arms in some fashion in an attempt to look like they’re trying to help land a plane, or direct something moving around by crane; oh, and let’s not forget the scene where a guy has literal shit photoshopped onto his face in one frame, and the next it’s normal, uh, ‘effects’ – was that some post shooting editing?

Now, the ‘plot’. Take an African jungle, throw in a virus turning people into zombies – or cannibals, it’s never clarified – and apparently the only way to solve the problem while avoiding WW3 is…Russian Weaponized Dinosaurs; but wait, the dinos have a protein in them that attracts and spreads the virus…somehow.

How were these dinos created? No idea. I mean, this all takes place in a comic book afterall.

Oh, did I forget to mention that? It’s because it doesn’t excuse how shit it is.

…I’m saying shit a lot, it really says something about the quality of this…’film’.

This is filled with overused…jokes, for lack of a better word. The US President and African General slap-fighting as holograms, Col. Sanders (KFC, we get it!) and the imitation of Trump that was funny the first time, but just sad every time after that.

I think the only redeeming quality of this is that the dinos look good; you can tell the budget was spent on them – the entire budget by the looks of it.

A lot of the budget might have gone here, too…

So, how does this mess of a ‘film’ end? After four Commandos fail to actually be of any use – and one somehow becomes a not-zombie – a dino begins to headbutt a nuclear missile that just happens to be laying around in the jungle, which then explodes; Trump rides off into the desert sunset on a dino and…then end. Thank god.

1/5: I don’t mind movies that don’t take themselves seriously, but this film did that so much that I think they lost the plot – no pun intended. It stopped being funny after the first five minutes.

Oldboy: 2003 vs 2013

Posted on 11th Aug 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

I can sum up what is wrong with Spike Lee’s ‘reimagination’ of Oldboy, in one sentence:

Joe Doucet is not likeable.

I cannot feel sorry for an alcoholic, deadbeat dad who has no respect for women – or anyone else for that matter; if someone like Joe dropped out of my life suddenly I wouldn’t miss him for a moment.

Oh, you were locked up for twenty years? Diddums. You were framed for the murder of your wife? Shame it sounds more believable that you actually did it.

My hatred for the main character aside, it’s surprising how Lee can call this version a ‘reimagination’, follow the original film story pretty closely and still get it so wrong; which is a shame, because it has a good cast attached to it, with Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Samuel L Jackson and Pom Klementieff all from the Marvel cinematic universe – and Rami Malek briefly making a scene.

So, what exactly is wrong with this version?

Let’s start with Joe’s time locked away and his transition to a modern world. Joe spirals at first, once he figures out there’s no freedom in sight he does attempt suicide, he tries to adopt a wild mouse Green Mile style, and draws a face on a pillow in his own blood; however, once free, there is no erratic behaviour, he adapts to modern technology right away, he shows he’s capable of planning and executing those plans.

‘Laugh and the world laughs with with you, cry and you weep alone’

In comparison, Dae-su displayed some psychotic behaviour; he was overly protective if his diaries, had outbursts of anger and violence, and was compulsive. A good scene to really compare the two characters is when they discover the Chinese restaurant; Joe has enough forethought to wait for the henchman to leave, follow the delivery boy and take his bike to find his captors. Dae-su, on the other hand, sees the delivery boy with a big order and chased that moped on foot; he does not second guess that the delivery could be for a large gathering, he just runs.

Joe shows meticulous planning when facing Chaney, the manager of the holding facilities; he precisely cuts chunks out of Chaney’s neck and fills them with salt to torture him, while Dae-su took the first thing on hand – the famous hammer – and just prys out teeth!

Although both Marie and Mi-do are both very 2D characters, existing only as the love interest, Mi-do shows genuine love for Dae-su; she is an innocent girl who chooses him (albeit through hypnosis) as her ‘first’, promising him that when she’s ready she will sing his favourite song. Marie, on the other hand, simply has poor taste in men and swaps one bad habit for another; a former drug user now addicted to ‘lost causes’, Lee tries to pass off her new obsession of Joe as ‘love’ and it’s portrayed poorly.

I’m not sure what’s cringier, Adrian’s obviously fake British accent, or that he has no charm whatsoever; sure, his character may be more mentally scarred compared to Woo-jin, but he shows more erratic and impulsive behaviour for someone who planned a twenty year revenge – compared to Joe, who was the one in solitary. Woo-jin has a calm charm to him that balances Dae-su’s impulsive behaviour.

Adrian promises Joe he will kill himself, but Woo-jin promised Dae-su the instrument to his death, the chance for his own revenge; Woo-jin never planned for Dae-su to have control over his life, he only offered an incentive to solve the mystery and protect Mi-do. There is no such incentive for Joe, Marie is safe and he only has to solve the mystery to clear his own name – Dae-su never cared about clearing his own name, just Mi-do and his revenge.

The reasonings behind the antagonists revenge is similar and yet different. Peodophilla, especially in a family setting, is gross to think about and disturbing when you consider how well groomed Adrian and his sister were; however, going for this gritter version misses the point of Woo-jin’s revenge completely. Woo-jin and his sister’s incest story – although equally disturbing – was young, innocent curiosity, it was never shown that the pair slept together and Korea’s sex education system at the time may have been enough to convince Woo-jin’s sister she was pregnant without intercourse.

Woo-jin loved his sister dearly, and watched (some may argue helped) her commit suicide, it softens the blow of the incest story and makes you sympathise with Woo-jin; for Adrian, there is no softening the blow, he claimed he loved his father but did he really? His feeling are complex but obviously still twisted. What separates the end of the two antagonists is that Woo-jin wanted to join his sister once his revenge was complete, shown by his memory of him holding her off the dam before he kills himself, while Adrian just wanted to end his own, tortured, suffering.

Dae-su’s ending was left to interpretation. Did he find the hypnotist and wipe the truth from his memory, or did he just convince himself he did in order to live like the monster he is? Joe shows no growth on his end, he doesn’t face Marie and the truth but chooses to hide away once more, running from his responsibilities like he had done before his twenty year imprisonment, like a coward.

While I appreciate the little nods to the original film (which you would miss if you’ve never seen it), Oldboy 2013 skirts over the dark humour and characterization that made its 2003 predecessor a success. As a whole, Spike Lee missed the most important message Oldboy gave: Even though I am no more than a monster, don’t I, too, have the right to live?

Resident Evil 3: Remake Review

Posted on 6th Apr 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

I’m bringing you this instead of a review of Girl on the 3rd Floor, because that film sucked the life out of me and Resident Evil was actually scarier!

Let me start by saying that this game is GORGEOUS, the graphics are amazing, Jill Valentine is b-e-a-utiful. A review in the Independent claimed that Jill is a badass in reputation only and not shown in gameplay – they are so wrong! You don’t take on the big, bad, Nemesis without a flair of badassery.

Let’s quickly summarize the plot. It’s only been months since the Mansion Incident (Resident Evil 1), the T-Virus has spread into Raccoon City; Jill has been suspended from the force over her obsession with Umbrella and is privately investigating, and while running from Nemesis she bumps into Carlos Oliveira – a special forces soldier for Umbrella.

In the beginning, there are some nice little nods to the old game; you pass through the bar and the warehouse with the man locked in the back of a HGV to escape the virus, but from there the game strays away from old into new. The city design is great but liniar; previously, you spent a lot of time running around the zombie filled streets, going back and forth between puzzles until you reach the RCPD; however, once you get the train operational, that’s it for the city.

You spend a lot of time in the RCPD in the second game, so it can be forgiven that we only spend a few minutes here with Carlos and Tyrell, but it fills in some details about the state of the station: how the officers in the corridor were killed, how Marvin was infected and by which zombie, who made that giant hole in the showers to get to the S.T.A.R.S office. It’s short and sweet.

Back to Jill for a short stint in the sewers and a battle against Nemesis; this is the point where she’s infected – just like the previous edition – and Carlos takes her to the hospital for the vaccine. I was ready and waiting for the Hunters to make an appearance and they did not disappoint; their beta stages from the sewers are nothing compared to these guys and their one-hit-kill if they get too close…which happened to me…twice.

When you recover the virus and fight off a horde, we’re back to Jill for the rest of the game; this is the point where we learn the city is going to be nuked out of existence to contain the virus. The time spent in the underground Umbrella lab is simple: find two components for the vaccine, a puzzle that isn’t overly difficult, find fuses in the warehouse, Nemesis boss battle in two parts. The end.

It’s a short game. I managed my first run in under four and a half hours, but with enough practice I’m aiming for two; there are few puzzles, no weird light boxes to figure out (replaced by lockpicking lockers and cases) and no real sense of danger. Nemesis is scary when you’re cornered and have to face him, but he’s not chasing you around like Mr. X and you’re not constantly worried about running into him; the boss fights are a little tedious and simple, you don’t have to stress your brain trying to figure out a weak point – or even aim for one!

That’s my only real complaint about the game; it’s still a solid addition to the series as quickly as it followed Resident Evil 2, I’m looking forward to unlocking some new weapons by completing challenges and bringing my time down.

Child’s Play: 1988 vs 2019

Posted on 9th Feb 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

For reference, when I mention Chucky in this article I’m referring to the 1988 version, as Chucky is Charles Lee Ray; for the 2019 remake, I’ll refer to Chucky as Buddi, his brand.

When I heard about the Child’s Play reboot, I was skeptical. I heard the original creators had plans to make Child’s Play Classic into a TV series – although I’m not sure on the progress with that – and wondered how a 2019 version could follow in the footsteps of our favourite killer doll.

Personally, I find it lacks what Classic Child’s Play’s main theme was about: a soul.

For those unfamiliar with the Classic, Child’s Play centers around Charles Lee Ray who voodoo’s his soul into a Good Guy doll after being injured in a botched robbery; that Good Guy doll ends up in the hands of innocent Andy, and Chucky’s mission from there is to transfer his soul back into a human vessel. He also happens to kill everyone who gets in his way.

Reboot Child’s Play can be summed up in one picture…

What I love about Chucky is how well he’s designed and made for a 1988 film. It was the early stages of animatronics thanks to Disney, and they hadn’t been as fine tuned as they are now; deeper research led me to facts such as: it took three people to work the expressions of Chucky’s face. The jaw movement itself was fascinating, revealing how fluid movement was with precise timing with joysticks on the lip movement, combined with the engineer wired up to mimic jaw movement.

The man with the chin strap controls Chucky’s jaw movement

You can tell a lot of love went into each Chucky that they had to use for filming. Movement was allowed to be a little janky because it was a doll, but not so much that it would cause problems in filming. Things couldn’t be fixed with CGI back then.

The Behind the Scenes footage is fantastic to watch, do see for yourself below!

Of course, I don’t mean to insult the creators of Buddi. Technology has come a long way since Chucky, and I imagine there were some restraints on Buddi’s design (due to the tv series); however, the design doesn’t fit in with 2019 technology – or further beyond that with Kaslan’s AI tech that does everything for you. Scenes where the doll may fumble are quick fixes with CGI.

Is Buddi creepy? Yes, but in more of a design that will give children nightmares – ironic as it’s a doll meant for kids; I can’t imagine any parent would look at Buddi and think it’s a suitable look for kids to enjoy; a Good Guy doll looks sweet and innocent, which is why no one would suspect Chucky of anything, but Buddi looks like Hannibal Lecter and Joker’s love-child.

There are also some scenes where he looks like a giant bobble head toy.

Let’s talk about the Andys for a moment. Chucky’s Andy looks to be at the age Good Guy was designed for (7 or 8?), the pair are roughly the same size and Chucky’s attachment to Andy is that he has a good, young body to swap into before the doll becomes human.

Buddi seemed to be advertised around that same age as well, and maybe even up to 10; however, Andy here looks to be a (pre?)teen, towering above Buddi like and older brother trying to help their toddler sibling walk. I can’t imagine why a teenager would want a Buddi – because it connects to the wifi? Because it’s voice activated? I get that Andy has just moved, is a little lonely and hasn’t made friends yet, but give him some time – not a kids toy! Also, Buddi’s attachment to Andy is simply friendship via a deleted protocol in his programme; it’s a jealous toddler with a kitchen knife.

Speaking of knives…

I find that another flaw with Buddi is his kills. He’s linked to Kaslan like E.T and, towards the end of the film, mostly inflicts harm with products that are linked to Kaslan; it hits too heavy on the ‘evil AI’ theory that people obsessed about for decades. I get it, technology has flaws, but Buddi’s flaw only happened because some guy in China didn’t like being told how to do his job. The Child’s Play image of a killer doll with a knife is only there because Buddi decided ‘monkey see, monkey do’; the kids actively teach him to stab someone, his altered AI concluded that was a good thing, something else to please Andy with.

Chucky, on the other hand, has more creative flair in his work; he’s human, so he can plot and execute and no one would suspect him because he’s a cute little doll – that’s the scary aspect of Chucky, he will make everyone else think you’re insane for pointing the finger at him – he will lay in wait and strike when he’s ready. A knife is easier for Chucky for obvious reasons, but he’s blown up vehicles, pushed people out of windows, used various tools over the years to get what he wants; there’s a charm to Chucky while he does things and that makes him a villian you want to love.

My final nitpick is the lore. Chucky is a human soul trapped in a doll, the more times he’s destroyed and rebuilt the longer he will live; Buddi’s makes less sense, the Buddi line is recalled and tested, surely then his broken AI would be fixed and his switch flipped back to good – so how can he exist further as evil?

In conclusion…

Did I hate 2019 Child’s Play? No. Did I like it? Also no. If the 2019 reboot didn’t have Child’s Play attached to it it would be an ok film and an interesting twist on our killer doll; it had potential, but it was ruined with a bad design and a lazy ‘killer AI linked to everything’ plot.

In an actual battle between Chucky and Buddi, my money is firmly on Charles Lee Ray.

GONGPO REVIEW

The Good, the Bad, and the Worst of Horror

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