It has been a long, long break; you’d think a world-wide lockdown would force me to spend all this free time reviewing my bag full of horror – alas, I’ve spent it catching up on gaming and learning a little Korean!

Oh, and surgery recently.

Maybe I was subconsciously worried that I’d blow through my stack of films and have nothing left…

Anyway, I promised a double creature feature so here it is!

When Olive Crown applied for a deep sea expedition, to test the world’s most advanced diving suit, she didn’t expect it to go so wrong; after pushing the dive suit beyond its limits, Olive comes across a strange creature that attacks her, when she wakes, she has no memory of the event, but she is fired from her job for breaking the suit.

Before Olive leaves, she checks the damaged suit and finds a strange egg in one of the oxygen tanks; she smuggles it off the ship and hides it in her basement of the home she shares with boyfriend, Matt. Matt welcomes her home along with Olive’s sister, Ellie; there’s some sexual tension between Matt and Ellie, so either they’ve already slept together or Matt is just super loyal to Olive and resisting.

Once the egg hatches, Olive keeps it in a fish tank to study; the octopus like creature can survive out of water and seems to refuse all types of fish – and rather than go out and buy raw meat, Olive risks a finger to feed it blood; it’s no wonder it backfires when she actually tries to feed it raw meat later. Olive confides in her former co-worker and shipmate, Johnny, about her find, under the promise that he doesn’t tell her former boss, Dr. Fletcher.

Olive begins to realise that she and the creature share a bond, and she cannot resist its newborn, late night cries for blood – one particular shot had me thinking she was breast feeding it, but it was just her arm, thankfully!

Johnny doesn’t have a spine it seems, since Dr. Fletcher bursts into Olive’s home to claim what he thinks is rightfully his creature; he becomes the first victim of the creature’s hunger and now meger amounts of blood from ‘mummy’ won’t satisfy it. Feeling betrayed, Olive feeds Johnny to the creature, too.

Matt, who has been at work at a care home during all this, has noticed Olive’s decrease in sanity and calls back Ellie to help; rather than actually help, the pair are caught in the act by Olive, who tosses Matt to be fed to the now adult creature and chains her own sister to the radiator. Olive shows Ellie eggs the creature has produced, calling herself a grandmother; Ellie implores her to but the egg back, but Olive insists the creature won’t harm her.

Famous last words.

Ellie manages to escape, but so does the creature. Ellie goes down to the ocean where eggs have washed up everywhere and Cthulhu rises from the water in the distance.

The Creature Below isn’t a bad film, but it’s not a good one either; the flow of the film is a little janky, I’m not entirely sure how Olive went from ‘feed the baby blood’ to obsessively drawing Cthulhu – or how she kidnapped an old lady in a wheelchair from Matt’s workplace without anyone spotting her???? You can also tell the CGI budget went entirely on the creature; the dive at the beginning of the film looked like one of those scuba figures – the type you put in fish tanks – on a string, and the ship looked CGI, but I’m not sure if it was or just weird lighting.

Also, did we really need the scene of her getting dressed?

Rating: 3.5/5

The sister film to the famous Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (there are two other Mega Shark films, but apparently not connected?); where said shark is obsessed with eggs, rather than people.

Don’t get me wrong, people get eaten, but it seems to be all about this perfect omelette it’s looking for.

In the depths of the Congo, in an illegal diamond mine, the work awakens Big Croc’ Momma from her sleep; across the world, the Megalodon attacks a US Navy ship, killing everyone but McCormick; he blames himself for the attack because of a sonic device he had been working on may have attracted the shark – he offers to help Hutchinson find the Megalodon.

Back in the Congo, Putnam captures the Croc’ and her eggs; he organises transport on a cargo ship, but it is attacked by the Megalodon, allowing Croc’ to escape 400 miles from Florida; the USS Lexington – with McCormick aboard – learns of this attack. Hutchinson is sent to interrogate Putnam when he washes ashore and is surprised to learn about the Croc’ and her eggs; Putnam is taken back to Lexington before the three of them head to an island where Croc’ is laying her eggs, they’re close to hatching, so a bombardment is ordered – but not before Megalodon gets to snack on a few; this upsets Croc’ and she invades Miami and heads for Orlando, but is pushed back by an Arch Flash produced by a power station.

With both creatures back in the water, Putnam suggests luring them into the Panama Canal to be bombarded by the Navy again; the fight between the creatures causes a tidal wave and frees the creatures to battle in open water again.

Big Croc’ Momma has laid more eggs than Megalodon could hope to devour all along the US coast, and they’re hatching! A Nuclear sub is sent out to destroy the Croc’ and Megalodon before they can reach Hawaii – only for the Megalodon to swallow the missile whole, making it even more dangerous than ever. Hutchinson’s helicopter crashes on the beach, so Putnam and McCormick head out with a little boat and McCormick’s sonic machine; the plan is to drop the device into the underwater volcano, luring the creatures to it – and it works! Big Croc’ Momma, her babies, and Megalodon follow the sonic sounds and the heat causes the missile inside Megalodon to explode.

They all lived happily ever after. Until a giant lizard invades Japan.

Again, not a terrible film; there’s a lot of back and forth of fetching and carrying eggs, and I spent way too much time trying to figure out if a 150 foot Croc’ can make it from Miami, to Orlando, and back in record time; but if you want to just sit back and watch a dumb creature film, then this is it!

Rating: 3.5/5