Pontypool

Posted on 29th Mar 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

When I reviewed Bait I was concerned that having a plot set in a singular space would be mundane, and was pleased with the few extra scenes away from the main cast; however, Pontypool shows that it is possible to have a film set in one place and keep the audience engaged and fearful.

Imagine, you are the only source of information for an initial outbreak and yet you cannot see what is happening in the outside world. Do you continue your reports, or do you go to dead air?

Grant Mazzy, a straight-to-the-point, take no prisoners radio DJ is fairly new to the small, sleepy town of Pontypool; on a snowy valentines morning, after cussing out his manager, he comes across a woman babbling the word ‘blood’ before disappearing into the snow. It’s a typical morning for the staff of 660-CLSY; Laurel-Ann has recently returned from a tour of Afghanistan and producer Sydney is going through a messy divorce; Grant talks about a recorded drug bust in the town, over exaggerating things in order to gain viewers and angering Sydney before reports of a hostage situation by ice fisherman – Grant continues to be over dramatic about it and Sydney explains the ice fishermen are just drunks, she knows this because one of the men is her ex-brother in law.

The show then goes to Ken in the sunshine chopper. Grant is confused that he’d be in the sky in such a storm, but Ken brushes it off and states that there’s some kind of riot outside the office of Dr. John Mendez, a man known for prescribing unnecessary medications; Ken begins to describe a sudden explosion at the office and people getting trampled to escape when he’s surrounded by military choppers and cut from the air. Grant learns that Ken isn’t in a chopper, he’s in a cabin on a hill and uses sound effects.

Sydney promises Grant that they’ll get the story straight somehow, but in the meantime Lawrence and the Arabians are guests to showcase their singing; one of the girls goes quiet towards the end and babbles that she can’t remember how the song ends – it just plays over in her head from the beginning and then repeats a word. Meanwhile, any calls through to the station are suddenly cut off, the only one to make it is the BBC, reporter Nigel asks Grant if reports of road blocks by the army are true; Grant has to admit he’s not sure and Sydney suggests the BBC is bullshitting and that the whole thing is a hoax.

Ken manages to get through. He’s hiding a shack of some sort and can see people wandering around yelling about U-boats and witnesses a large group drag a couple from a car and begin to devour them; he’s spotted while panicking and a teenager throws himself through the shack walls, severely injuring himself in the process. Ken explains he can hear the teen say something, but the broadcast is cut off by a loud noise and a message in French.

Laurel-Ann passes a translation over to Grant on air, which states that people must stay inside, avoid speaking terms of endearment, rhetorical discourse and not to translate the message into English.

Whoops.

Ken calls back, again, and plays back audio of the teenager saying ‘help me’ in a tiny, baby-like tone. Grant tells Ken to get somewhere safe and storms upstairs to see things for himself; outside is just the storm and Sydney demands he gets back inside and not to leave – Laurel-Ann suddenly slams the door shut and states they’re are enemies approaching; a large group of people suddenly slam against the door while repeating Sydney’s words to Grant. Sydney has cut her hand on something when the group launched at the door, Laurel-Ann bandages her hand and begins to babble about Grant being missing, suddenly repeating the word ‘missing’; Sydney leaves her alone to take a whistling kettle of the stove, only to see Laurel-Ann standing an mimicking the whistle – suddenly, a man crawls in through the window and ushers Sydney into the radio booth with Grant.

The man is Dr. Mendez and explains that, although she doesn’t know it, Laurel-Ann is hunting them and she has to remain outside the booth; he theorizes that certain words trigger the infection and victims will find another host for the virus to ‘suicide’ with. Ken phones back, but the call is short as he soon becomes infected.

Laurel-Ann approaches the booth window again, her bottom lip bloody and seemingly repeating what Grant and Mendez are saying; the pair wonder if the virus can make hosts read lips (personally, I think it’s just Laurel-Ann who can because of army training). Sydney calls her kids and accidentally infects one by using terms of endearment when the call cuts off; Laurel-Ann throws herself at the glass and then projectile vomits blood before dropping dead since she couldn’t find a victim. The group from outside break in and the trio in the booth decide to stop talking.

Using pen and paper, they make a plan to draw the group away; Grant grabs a microphone and repeats ‘Sydney Briar is alive’ while Sydney loops it to the outside speaker. Mendez fears he’s infected and begins to speak in his native tongue – realising that the virus only affects the English language; Sydney and Grant converse in French and decide to leave the booth on fear of Mendez going mad from the virus, but on the way to a new hiding spot, they’re attacked by a member of the Arabians and debate killing Mendez.

The Canadian anthem cuts through their broadcast, luring the group outside back in; Mendez leads them away and Grant and Sydney hide in the equipment room. Grant listens back to the BBC broadcast he recorded, trying to figure out how the virus works; Sydney gets drunk and becomes infected with ‘kill’, Grant convinces her that kill means kiss – which they then share – and rush back to the booth.

How can you save the world when the army won’t let you?

Grant spouts confusing and contradicting speak to confuse his listeners and hopefully cure the victims; outside, the Army claim that Grant is infected himself and to stop the broadcast, things settle for a moment until they begin counting back from ten. Sydney rushes into the booth to kiss Grant again and the screen goes black with an explosion.

Over the black, it’s suggested that the quarantine of Pontypool failed, the virus spread by the media and into England. Post credits, Grant and Sydney survive the virus through improvised roleplay.

5/5: Pontypool is my favourite psychological horror, it’s a little bit spooky with some dark humor in the mix; Grant has a great voice and is perfectly casted for the film, his voice is deep and somber while on the air at times. I was sad to see Laurel-Ann go, her strict military speak was adorable, and it’s sad to see a soldier survive war and to be killed by something else; Sydney is where the film falls flat, she has no real purpose other than to provide plot information about victims and to butt heads with Grant – but I won’t let that ruin the score!

Bait

Posted on 16th Mar 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

You’ll do your weekly shop online after this

I love a good-bad shark film (Sharknado) and I honestly expected this to be about the same; or maybe even a slow burn, wait for everyone to be eaten snorefest.

Surprisingly, this is neither.

Bait takes place in Australia, beginning with a hungover Josh sleeping in his car at the beach; his best friend Rory wakes him up and jokes that it was a bad idea to propose to his sister, Tina – Josh quips that it was a bad idea to let Rory plan his engagement party. Rory offers to check the buoy for him, since Tina was waiting further down the beach; Rory grabs a board, and as others prep a jet ski, a man jokes that they’re ‘getting wet for a change’ – which I honestly think is a weird jab to make at lifeguards, but whatever – he swims out just behind Rory and is the first victim to the shark.

Josh meets Tina, who hands him a dried seahorse, and they share their plans to visit Australia when Josh moves to Singapore with her; sirens begin to blare across the beach and Josh rushes to the jet ski to warn Rory.

Rory can’t hear the siren from so far out, and is oblivious the to carnage that happened behind him. Josh tries to warn him about the shark, but it throws him off the board and into the water; Josh tries to save him, the shark wins, leaving nothing of Rory but the necklace he was wearing in Josh’s hand.

Still better effects than Shark Exorcist

A year later, Josh remains in Australia and Tina left for Singapore as planned, leaving her engagement ring behind. Josh leaves for work when a huge flock of various birds fly overhead from the ocean, he’s confused but continues on to the supermarket; just outside of it, sits a car with two men, Doyle and Kirby – Kirby has his face covered – they plan to rob the place before money is transferred into a security van. Doyle explains that he’s doing this and then his brother is free from Kirby’s debt.

Inside, Jamie is casually shoplifting and spotted by security; she hides in a back room where her boyfriend Ryan happens to be, he urges her to return what she’s stolen but his manager, Jessup, sees them; he phones the police and fires Ryan. The arresting officer turns out to be Jamie’s dad, Todd; he takes her to the underground parking lot and locks her in the truck – spotting Doyle heading upstairs with a gun. At the same time, Heather and Kyle are sat in their car, with dog Bully, for an intense makeout session, and Ryan lets Jamie out. He argues he lost his job, so she heads back up to get ot back for him; Ryan’s van doesn’t start and he begins searching in the back.

Why would you practically have sex in a car with the dog there?

Upstairs, Doyle goes into Jessup’s office and demands the money. Jessup shows him the safe is empty and Doyle drags him out with the gun pressed to his back; Todd is trying to follow with his own gun out and no one seems to spot either of them in this slightly busy mart…

While stacking shelves with Naomi, Josh sees Tina with new boyfriend Steven; a commotion near the storefront distracts him before he can say anything to her. Kirby has taken a hostage, and even though both Todd and Doyle try to talk him down he still shoots her; it’s then a huge earthquake hits, sending a tsunami inland and flooding the store and parking lot.

Survivors of the sudden flooding clamber up onto the stop shelves and freezers. Todd has an injury to his leg and Kirby seems to have died with the rest of the shoppers; the front entrance is blocked by a vehicle, so Collins the security guard swims to the loading bay to look for a way out. Downstairs, Ryan’s van has flipped; he breaks a window and climbs on top of some debris to find a way out, unaware Heather and Kyle are still submerged.

Collins returns, but is dragged under the water by something; Jamie grabs his hand to help but his body floats away from the limb she’s holding. Josh and Tina realise there’s a 12-foot shark in the store with them, swept in with the tsunami; to make things worse, an aftershock hits and knocks a live wire loose – they have to turn off the power before it’s too late. Steven makes a suggestion and the group (along with a tattooed guy who is obviously Kirby), manage to make a body cage for Steven out of shelves and carts – Josh offered to go, but he has a gash on his arm that would attract the shark; Steven assures Josh that he and Tina never did anything and that he’s sure Tina still loves him. Weighed down with tin cans, Steven makes his way to the back room with Tina and Josh holding his makeshift breather above water; the shark passes by him and as he makes it to the main switch he’s stopped short – Josh has the end of his breather tube and it’s not long enough for Steven to reach. Steven pulls part of the cage off and the breather out to pull the switch, however, the weight of the tins keeps him from surfacing for air and he drowns.

In the parking lot, Heather and Kyle are arguing. Heather didn’t charge her phone before they left…but neither did Kyle; they soon become aware that there’s something in the water with them. Heather smugly opens the sunroof manually when Kyle yells at her again; he stands up and spots Ryan, warning him that he thinks there’s a shark in the water. Ryan tells him to hold tight and he’ll distract the shark long enough for them to swim to his overturned van; Ryan cuts a hand from a nearby corpse and dips it into the water – Heather and Kyle make a break for it, but Kyle tosses Bully the dog at the last second for the shark. Ryan tries to distract the shark again, but opts to shimmy on some pipes to reach the van; he slips and falls in, and in the scramble to get on the van, Kyle falls in and is eaten. Revenge for Bully!

Doyle and Naomi make a spear and quickly become close. Josh spots a vent above. Doyle helps him loop a rope above it and Jessup offers to go to get help; he ties the other end around him and is liften to the vent; once it’s open, a flood of tiny crabs wash out. He assures he can still make it, but he’s just hanging bait for the shark.

Guess Jessup knows what live bait feels like…

With that plan a bust, Doyle decides to catch the shark to give them a chance to make an escape out the front; Todd offers to swim over to the meat counter, but with his injured leg Jamie jumps in first, narrowly escaping the shark and collecting a meat hook to use along with some meat for bait. The meat doesn’t seem to be working and the tattooed man states it probably wants live meat by now; in a not surprising plot twist, Doyle reveals the man to be Kirby – who put his mask and jacket on a corpse – and Kirby takes Naomi, hooking her by her shirt and throwing her in the water. Doyle stabs him with the spear and the group help Naomi out; Doyle sticks the hook in Kirby and pushes him in, the shark takes the bait and is caught on the hook, held in place with the shelves.

What’s that floating on the water in the parking lot? BULLY! He swims to safety and Heather says it’s a sign of hope; inspired by her words, Ryan taps ‘shave and a haircut’ on the pipes, the sound travels upstairs and Jamie realises Ryan is still alive. Josh goes to follow Jamie, but first apologises to Tina and that he blames himself for Rory, she kisses him and he gives her Rory’s necklace that he kept. Josh and Jamie go downstairs where Heather and Ryan warn them there’s a shark, they climb onto the roof of a car and Jamie recognises it as her dad’s and that there’s a gun in the back; Josh risks life and limb to grab the gun, ammo and a taser – he jumps back in the water once the shark has circled and kills it with the shotgun.

The four return upstairs where Doyle plans to blow the tow truck in the entrance with the mains electric. Another tremor hits, shaking the shark loose and forcing Doyle to climb the walls; Josh hangs on the pipes above and the shotgun fails him – as the shark leaps for him, he shocks it with the taser. Doyle hooks the truck to an exposed wire and turns the electric on again, blowing the truck clear.

The group walk out into the destruction. Tina asks Josh what they should do now, and he says ‘we rebuild’ like he’s just survived some apocalyptic event.

4/5: It’s not a bad film. The effects are pretty good and the parking lot scenes help break away from what could have been a mundane film. There are some familiar faces in the cast, too.

However, it does start slow and I have my doubts about the shotgun and taser working after getting submerged – the shotgun I’m positive about, the taser is 50-50 but I can’t see it working.

The Host

Posted on 8th Mar 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

I firmly believe that China, Japan and South Korea make the best horror and thriller films; if you want to talk to me about The Eye, The Ring or Grudge, I will tell you their eastern originals are much better!

I first discovered The Host many years ago during a Film4 eastern film week, perhaps somewhere around October, and fell in love with this unique creature film; a wholesome, dark yet funny story of family and family bonds.

The film begins in the year 2000, an American pathologist tells his Korean assistant to pour 200 bottles of formaldehyde down the drain; the assistant explains that the drains run to the Han River and could be dangerous, but his boss is firm: all bottles. Down the drain.

Over the next 6 years, there are sightings of an unusual creature in the river; a man ready to leap off a bridge sees a dark shadow below him and jumps to his death. This leads us to 2006 and a small snack shack by the Han River; a small boy attempts to steal while Gang-du sleeps on the job, but is pulled away by his older brother. Gang-du’s father, Hee-bong, wakes him and gets him started on grilling squid.

Hyun-seo returns home from school, to Gang-du’s delight, but she complains that it was embarrassing for her uncle, Nam-il, to turn up to parent’s day and that he was likely drunk; Gang-du apologises and shows her that he’s saving up for a new phone for her in his change pot. They turn the TV on and wait for the archery competition to begin, where Nam-joo is competing, and Gang-du gives his daughter a beer; Hee-bong pulls his son aside as a customer complained their squid only had 9 legs and scolds him for stealing one, Hee-bong hands him a tray of food to take to the customers as an apology.

At the riverside, the crowd is wondering what is hanging off the bridge. It slowly drops into the water and Gang-du throws a beer for it, everyone begins throwing things for it to eat but it sinks deeper into the river; the excitement seems to be over, however, the creature emerges further down shore and begins its rampage on land.

Gang-du and an American man try their best to kill the monster and save as many people as possible; the creature gets the best of the American and Gang-du retreats and grabs his daughter. They both trip and fall, Gang-du grabs an arm again and continues running but it’s not Hyun-seo, he’s accidentally left her behind to be grabbed and taken into the water by the monster – seemingly killed.

There’s mass mourning at a community centre where citizens were evacuated to. Nam-joo arrives with a bronze medal, having lost her nerve at the competition, and brother Nam-il isn’t far behind; he berrates and beats his brother for grabbing another girl’s hand and calls him a bad father, the family hysterically mourn together while the media take photos.

A government official arrives in a hazmat suit and asks if anyone had come into contact with the creature or with anyone who may have; Gang-du admits that he didn’t actually touch it, but got blood on his face from striking it. A team take excessive measures to stuff him into a hazmat bag for transport, although he’s allowed to be out of it once in a main hospital area with his family. It has come to the government’s attention that the creature might have a virus, as the American – Sargent Donald White – has come out in strange boil like lumps across his body.

Gang-du is taken away and told not to eat or drink for tests, but during the night he steals his bed neighbour’s rations – that look suspiciously like the smaller version of the creature – and receives a phone call from Hyun-seo; the creature has dumped her in the sewers somewhere, but her battery dies before she can give any details.

The whole family is insane, to be honest

Gang-du tries to explain that, although listed as dead, his daughter is alive and begs an officer to find her; the officer doesn’t believe him, stating Gang-du had such a vivid dream that he thinks it’s real; Nam-il and Nam-joo are becoming angry with the officer while Hee-bong tries to calm everyone down. With the officer out of earshot, he hatches a plan to find Hyun-seo themselves.

The family try to blend in with the other patients to leave the hospital, but Gang-du’s unusual blonde hair makes him easy to spot; they escape to the lower car park to a waiting van, but Nam-joo isn’t very quick on her feet and they’re almost caught. Hee-bong buys weapons, hazmat suits and a van from the people who helped them escape, but the men add on more fees and gives him a total of $11.400 (roughly 10 million Won); poor Hee-bong has to hand over all his bank cards to cover the huge amount. The family make it through the checkpoints, but Hee-bong bribes an American employee with Gang-du’s change tub in a panic and drives away.

The two boys from the start of the film are back. They break into the snack shack to steal food and the younger brother, Se-joo, wants to take money but his brother explains that’s not how ‘Seori’ (stealing that harms no one) works and to leave the money or it would be theft; Se-joo doesn’t understand the difference but trusts his brother. As they leave with the food, they’re captured by the creature; Se-joo is the only one to survive when he’s dumped in the same hole as Hyun-seo, who protects him further from the creature.

The family return to their shack to eat after searching all evening; they envision Hyun-seo with them and give her food. A while later, Gang-du falls asleep; Hee-bong explains to his children that Gang-du was once considered smart, however, his bad parenting led Gang-du to commit ‘Seori’ and was beaten every time farmers caught him. Hee-bong thinks that’s why Gang-du is slow minded and can just fall asleep anywhere, he implores his son and daughter not to be so harsh with him – Hyun-seo was an accidental pregnancy, but Gang-du does his best since her mother left them.

Gang-du wakes suddenly and sees the creature on the banking in the rain, seemingly drinking the falling drops; Hee-bong nudges the window open and shoots it, that enrages the creature and it tips the shack over. The men of the family continue their pursuit until they run out of ammo and the military have caught up with them; Gang-du says he has one round left, so his father takes the gun to distract the creature while they escape – only Gang-du miscounted. The gun is empty.

The creature slams Hee-bong onto the riverside path, killing him; while Gang-du goes back to say goodbye, Nam-il grabs his sister to escape the military – who capture Gang-du.

Nam-il, having separated from his sister, meets with a friend who says he can find a rough area where Hyun-seo called from; the friend, however, wants the bounty placed on Nam-il’s head. After obtaining the location, Nam-il gives everyone the slip and manages to text the location to Nam-joo before passing out under a bridge.

Nam-joo has slept in a gap in beams of the bridge and finds a place to charge her phone; the TV in the background explains that Korea has permission to release a chemical called ‘Agent Yellow’ to kill the creature after Sargent White died. Nam-joo’s phone receives the message from her brother and she heads to the location; she phones Gang-du as she arrives, but the creature attacks her and she falls down a gap, unconscious. Gang-du is being tested on while taking the call and panics when it’s cut off; the doctors inject him with an anesthetic to knock him out but it doesn’t seem to work – they start taking tissue samples regardless until an American doctor arrives with a translator; they speak briefly to Gang-du and decide the virus has spread to his brain. The doctor confides in the translator that there is no virus and they’re using it as an excuse to distract from the creature’s origins; unfortunately, Gang-du understood that part and is lobotomized for it.

Back in the sewer, Hyun-seo is making a rope to escape and distracts Se-joo’s fear by saying he can eat whatever he wants from the family snack shack; he lists the things he wants to eat and asks her what she wants first, she says a beer and throws her rope up to the grate above, it lands too high for her to jump and the creature returns. Hyun-seo and Se-joo hide and watch the creature regurgitate all the bones from its meal and fall asleep; Hyun-seo thinks it’s the perfect time to escape, and uses the creature as a springboard while it sleeps. It seems like she’s succeeded, but the creature was feigning sleep to lure them out and devours them.

Gang-du takes a nurse hostage and escapes further testing. Nam-il wakes up and meets a homeless man who isn’t bothered by the quarantine and agrees to help; they gather bottles and supplies to make molotovs in the back of a taxi. A crowd gathers in protest to Agent Yellow at the bridge near Hyun-seo’s location. Nam-joo regains consciousness and bumps into Gang-du as he heads into the sewer; he finds the creature and sees his daughter’s arm hanging out of its mouth, it heads back to the river where to protest is happening and he gives chase.

When the creature reaches the riverside, the gas is released despite the crowd still gathered; it subdues the creature long enough for Gang-du to catch up and pull Hyun-seo free along with Se-joo. Hyun-seo has died and an enraged Gang-du attacks the creature again as it wakes; Nam-il arrives with the molotov cocktails and the homeless man pours gasoline on the creature from above. Nam-il drops his last molotov, but Nam-joo pierces a piece of flaming cloth with an arrow and sets the creature alight; it tries to escape into the water, but Gang-du impales it with a pole.

Nam-il and Nam-joo mourn the death of Hyun-seo while Gang-du revives Se-joo.

Some time later, in the winter, Gang-du has adopted Se-joo and watches over the Han River from the only snack shack and the riverside.

5/5: full marks for the perfect film!!

It’s filled with tension, loss and wholesomeness with a touch of classic Korean dark humor. Gang-du is a lovable oaf with a supportive family, even if Nam-il smacks him around a little; those little moments of humour – such as the over dramatic mourning – doesn’t break any of the drama of the film. It’s well written and fun; the creature looks amazing and well made that it isn’t jarringly obvious it’s CGI.

Zombeavers

Posted on 6th Mar 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

Who knew a scene leading up to – and involving – hitting a deer could be comedy? The odd pair of truckers lose one of their chemical containers after hitting the poor animal; it rolls into a river and downstream while a Bond-style opening credits play. Although the container survives the rapids of the river, it seems to be punctured by the dam the beavers have made, soaking them in a green liquid.

Later, we’re introduced to Sorority sisters Mary, Jenn and Zoe – and Zoe’s dog. What was supposed to be a weekend away with their boyfriends has turned into a girl’s trip after Jenn’s boyfriend, Sam, cheated on her; they’re heading to Mary’s cousin’s cabin by a lake for some fun.

Upon arrival, the neighbour, Mrs. Gregerson greets them. The girls lie that they’d planned a girly weekend away and were still virgins; Mrs. Gregerson states she’s pleased by the news, as her own daughter is a slut.

Zoe and Jenn are mortified to learn that there’s no cell reception, but Mary convinces them to got for a swim and forget about the boys. Out on the diving platform, Zoe takes off her top to avoid tan lines; Jenn spots a beaver dam and the trio swim over to investigate but come across a bear instead. Smyth, the local hunter, scares the bear away and tells the girls to dress appropriately.

At night, the girls are spooked by noises outside but it’s only their boyfriends; Mary wants them to leave, but Jenn reluctantly says it’s fine if they stay – something she regrets soon after while Mary and Zoe are having exaggerated horror film sex with Tommy and Buck; Jenn shows Sam a picture of him kissing a girl – obviously Mary – and demands to know who it is, he says it doesn’t matter and tries to coax her into sex too, but she knees him in the balls and heads for the bathroom.

A beaver attacks Jenn and Tommy kills it with a baseball bat; Mary and Jenn wonder why it was so hard to kill, but the boys just throw it in a bag and dump it outside. In the morning, the beaver corpse is gone and the group try to assure Jenn that animals took it. Jenn decides to stay on land while the others hang around the diving platform; Mary and Sam discuss if they should tell Jen the truth when something chews off Buck’s foot in the water, Tommy is scratched while helping Buck back onto the platform.

Jenn runs back to the house for something to help, but is attacked by the same beaver as before – it manages to scratch her before he stabs it and pins it to the counter top. Back at the lake, Sam is a dick to dogs and throws the poor pooch as bait so the group can swim back to shore; they quickly learn the phone line is cut and beavers are surrounding the house; an argument ensues and Zoe blurts out that everyone knows Sam and Mary cheated – so much for girl code! Tommy, Zoe and Buck make a dash for the car the girl’s came in to take Buck to the hospital, only for a tree to block the road further down. The beavers strike again, crushing Tommy with another tree.

Smyth comes to the rescue and takes them back to the cabin, but the others have boarded up the inside; the trio head for the Gregerson’s place, finding the old couple dead and the phone lines chewed.

Back at the cabin, Jenn goes into Mary’s room seemingly trying to seduce her, but Jenn begins to morph into a beaver-like creature and drools into Mary’s screaming mouth; Sam hits Jenn from behind and they lock her in the room.

Mary and Sam begin a game of Whack-A-Beaver as they chew through the floors. At the Gregerson’s, Buck has also transformed and attacks Smyth; Zoe tries to shoot him but misses and runs upstairs, she’s cornered and jumps through a window to escape.

Sam and Mary hide in the bathroom and strip to check for wounds, satisfied, they begin to have sex when Jenn bursts through the floor and bites Sam’s dick off! Mary runs back into the now burning cabin, set alight by one of the beavers, and has to kill Zombeaver-Sam; she meets up with Zoe and they make a run for the truck, which is quickly surrounded by their Zombeaver friends and even Zombear-ver!

Zoe runs Jenn down and drives back to the fallen trees and the Zombeaverfied Tommy stuck under the tree. Zoe’s cut up appearance makes Mary think she’s infected and pulls a gun from Smyth’s glovebox on her; Mary is the one who turns and Zoe kills her with an axe, she begins the long walk back to civilization and tries the flag down a truck to help – only to be hit by it and the truckers from the beginning of the film.

This has quickly become my favourite creature horror film; the obvious puppet and robotic beavers help the comedy, and even after the film is done it continues with out-takes and a fantastic ending theme.

5/5: It’s funny, bloody and enjoyable. Zoe is delightfully crude and I’m glad she was survivor girl; the scene with her and Smyth while he eats chicken really tickles me for some reason. My little nitpicks aren’t even worth mentioning as they were small visual things I just happened to take note of. VERY glad to know that no animals were harmed during filming – but it sounded like Cody the bear deserved the purple nurple if he did start it!

Looking forward to a possible sequel: Zombee-vers?

Polaroid

Posted on 1st Mar 2020 by Hailey Roebuck

Viewer beware, you’re in for a scare!

If this film was actually scary…

I don’t scare easy, I admit to that; I’ve been watching horror since I was twelve, and before that I spent time watching my brother play the early Resident Evil games from the age of eight – so it’s hard to find something that gives me a good scare, therefore I settle on gore.

This has none.

The film opens on two friends going through a box of things, finding an old polaroid camera and discussing how the owner’s mother liked to use it before she died – likely by the demon as they find a polaroid picture of the mother; the daughter’s friend then receives a text about a lingerie photo and pressures her friend into taking that type of photo, too. They take it with the polaroid camera, and the friend asks why it’s not ‘working’, which seems odd to me since polaroids have made a little comeback over the last two years…

Anyway, friend leaves, daughter dies. Let’s skip ahead!

I’ve had ‘Bird is the Word’ stuck in my head since watching this film!!

School picture day introduces us to Bird, aka Scarf-girl, a shy budding photographer with social issues; as she leaves school, she takes a picture of popular Connor before heading to her job in an antique store, she’s trying to fix a pocket watch when her friend, Tyler, comes in with a box from a yard sale – the box contains the evil camera.

Bird takes Tyler’s picture, he tries to kiss her while she’s checking out a smudge in the photo and she bolts home with the camera and film. Her BFF Kasey comes around to take her to Avery’s belated Halloween party, bringing her a Red Riding Hood cloak to wear; they meet friends, Devin and Mina in the car.

Meanwhile, Tyler is the first victim of the fifty-a-day-smoker sounding Entity. Not sure how he’s killed, it’s all done off-screen like the previous victim.

The group arrive at Avery’s, who’s dressed as a ‘sexy fortune teller’ and hands out tarot cards to Devin, Mina and Kasey, but makes Bird pick her own: Death. Avery comments that it’s a bad card, but anyone with real tarot knowledge knows it isn’t. Film’s foreshadowing is fail.

Bird splits from the group when she sees a masked guest staring at her, but it catches up with her upstairs and turns out to be Connor; he asks if his picture turned out good, and she plays it off as her just testing her camera and it just happened to be in his direction. He seems to like her, but it’s hard to understand why if she’s known as the school freak and he’s Mr. Popular.

Connor finds the camera in her bag and she explains it’s an old Polaroid; her friend’s join them upstairs and they take a group photo.

Bird notices a shadow in the picture she took and Avery takes the camera for a selfie, but isn’t impressed; someone yells to the hostess that the police have arrived and they’re there for Bird.

The Sheriff questions her about Tyler and tells her he died in the antique shop. At home, she looks through the polaroids she has; the smudge has disappeared from Tyler’s photo, as has the shadow from the group shot – now there’s one looming in Avery’s picture. Bird contemplates calling Avery (although I don’t know why she’d have her number, Avery didn’t seem to like her) but brushes it off and goes to sleep.

The Entity stalks his prey and snaps Avery’s neck.

Next day, Kasey tells Bird that Avery had slipped down her basement steps and broken her neck – twisted around like something from the Exorcist, but notes that Avery wasn’t even drunk when they left. Bird checks the photos. The shadow is now back in the group photo.

Bird then tells her friends that the camera might be haunted and that they’re next. Devin decides to just burn the picture, but as the flames spread Mina’s arm catches fire; Connor tries to put her out with the extinguisher and Kasey’s hair begins to smoke. Bird pats out the flames on the picture and the polaroid magically restores itself.

This is actually an interesting concept.

At the hospital, the group question Bird more about the camera and she remembers it came with a case that she left at the store; she and Connor head there where she sneaks in through a back vent while Connor is on lookout. As he waits, he studies the group photo closer and the camera begins to make a noise as though the flash is charging. The Entity is nearby. In the store, Bird finds the case, but is then chased by The Entity; she almost chokes when her scarf catches on a loose nail, but Connor saves her in time; she questions why it’s after her and Connor points out that she’s in the window’s reflection in the photo – she’s technically in the shot, too.

Failing to kill Bird, The Entity goes after bed bound Mina; when Devin checks on her she’s seemingly nowhere to be found – until her body drops down from the ceiling. Devin explains to the cops that Mina didn’t hang herself, just as Bird and Connor arrive; Devin blames Bird and she runs off. Connor follows.

Bird recalls the accident that killed her father to Connor; she feels guilty about being a brat when she was twelve and making her father turn the car around resulting in the crash – though that doesn’t explain exactly how she got her scar on her neck. Connor reassures her that her father wouldn’t blame her and that this situation isn’t her fault, she says that, as a reporter, he’d be trying to figure it all out; they check the case and find an old evidence tag, a little digging leads then to an article about a teacher torturing and killing students while taking photos.

The camera belonged to former photography teacher Roland Joseph Sable.

They regroup at a diner, but Devin is still blaming Bird for Mina’s death; he tries to take a picture of her, but Connor wrestles the camera from him and accidently takes a picture of Devin in the process – Devin tries again, but Kasey stops him by damaging his picture and he accidently lashes out at a cop in anger.

Connor and Bird try to explain Devin’s actions to the Sheriff, and that the ghost of Roland is coming for him – they need to get to his old house to find out more; the Sheriff warns them away from the house but lets them see their friend before they leave. Devin apologises to Bird, Kasey calls to inform her that the house still belongs to Roland’s wife – she just changed the name on the house deed.

The pair meet Lena Sable and Bird convinces her that she owns her husband’s camera; Lena says the camera belonged to Rebecca – their daughter – who was tricked into taking sleazy photos and killed herself from embarrassment when the photos where shown to her peers; Roland killed the students who took the photos, but one survived when he was killed by the police, still holding the camera.

Roland kills Devin the his holding cell and swiftly moves on to Bird and Connor; they break into the school to look for old student yearbooks and find Roland’s last victim: the Sheriff.

The Sheriff has already caught up to them and grabbed Kasey along the way; Connor takes his photo for Roland to target, but the Sheriff explains Lena lied, he and his friend’s were helping Rebecca escape from Roland who was sexually abusing her – he killed them to stop them from talking and using the photos as evidence, and then Rebecca killed herself in guilt.

Roland appears and rips the Sheriff’s picture in half. Surprisingly, the Sheriff splits in half very cleanly…no blood…no senew splitting apart but by bit…

The only on-screen death was very disappointing…

Kasey and Bird split from Connor and hide in the showers; Bird turns them all one to create heat and that keeps Roland away from them, so Bird leaves Kasey there to find Connor. Connor finds her first and she says she has an idea, but they need the camera; Roland finds them just as they recover it and drags Connor away, so Bird takes a photo of herself to become his target. She runs into the basement and into the dark room where Roland first died; they get into a scuffle, she manages to take his picture and crumple it in her hand – it only stops him momentarily so she sets the photo on fire, killing Roland for good.

Once Bird throws the camera into the river, life continues as normal…

I was so mad by the end of this film. Polaroid had a lot of potential in the horror department but the creators just wussed out on any gorey creativity; which is a shame, because despite the cliches, it has a good story to it…even if it’s slightly ripped from the old Goosebumps ‘Say Cheese and Die’ of season 1 episode 15. They even share a character called ‘Bird’.

Oh and Life is Strange, it ripped a little off that, too.

If you’re not familiar with either, Life is Strange had a Photography teacher who drugged his female students to take sleazy photos of them.

This game also featured polaroid photos!

Granted, it’s not exactly the same, but the plot of Roland taking photos of his daughter was enough to remind me of this.

To be fair, I loved Goosebumps as a kid!

Say Cheese and Die. Well, although the photos in that predicted people’s deaths, there’s a scene in the book where one photo shows the victim being chased by a shadow; and the villian dies by having his photo taken by the same camera.

Rating: 2/5. It’s an interesting expansion of the old Goosebump story, and I enjoyed the twist that Rebecca’s bullies were actually her friends; however, off-screen killings are boring and you don’t see the aftermath of Tyler, Avery and Devin’s deaths, the lack of gore with the Sheriff’s death was also a huge letdown!

GONGPO REVIEW

The Good, the Bad, and the Worst of Horror

Monthly Archives: Mar 2020