Look at that cover, the one that promises explosions, ruined buildings and awesome dinosaurs…

I was fooled by the cover again. This should be considered false advertisement!

Jurassic Thunder had the potential to be so-bad-it’s-good kind of film; instead, driven by a need to have dinosaurs with mounted machines guns, the creator comes up with this mess of dino shit. Now, I love me some shit CGI and photoshop effects, just not in every scene; so, rather than trying to follow the random, thrown together by a five year old, plot I’m distracted by ‘actors’ shooting in random directions, or waving their arms in some fashion in an attempt to look like they’re trying to help land a plane, or direct something moving around by crane; oh, and let’s not forget the scene where a guy has literal shit photoshopped onto his face in one frame, and the next it’s normal, uh, ‘effects’ – was that some post shooting editing?

Now, the ‘plot’. Take an African jungle, throw in a virus turning people into zombies – or cannibals, it’s never clarified – and apparently the only way to solve the problem while avoiding WW3 is…Russian Weaponized Dinosaurs; but wait, the dinos have a protein in them that attracts and spreads the virus…somehow.

How were these dinos created? No idea. I mean, this all takes place in a comic book afterall.

Oh, did I forget to mention that? It’s because it doesn’t excuse how shit it is.

…I’m saying shit a lot, it really says something about the quality of this…’film’.

This is filled with overused…jokes, for lack of a better word. The US President and African General slap-fighting as holograms, Col. Sanders (KFC, we get it!) and the imitation of Trump that was funny the first time, but just sad every time after that.

I think the only redeeming quality of this is that the dinos look good; you can tell the budget was spent on them – the entire budget by the looks of it.

So, how does this mess of a ‘film’ end? After four Commandos fail to actually be of any use – and one somehow becomes a not-zombie – a dino begins to headbutt a nuclear missile that just happens to be laying around in the jungle, which then explodes; Trump rides off into the desert sunset on a dino and…then end. Thank god.

1/5: I don’t mind movies that don’t take themselves seriously, but this film did that so much that I think they lost the plot – no pun intended. It stopped being funny after the first five minutes.