I can sum up what is wrong with Spike Lee’s ‘reimagination’ of Oldboy, in one sentence:

Joe Doucet is not likeable.

I cannot feel sorry for an alcoholic, deadbeat dad who has no respect for women – or anyone else for that matter; if someone like Joe dropped out of my life suddenly I wouldn’t miss him for a moment.

Oh, you were locked up for twenty years? Diddums. You were framed for the murder of your wife? Shame it sounds more believable that you actually did it.

My hatred for the main character aside, it’s surprising how Lee can call this version a ‘reimagination’, follow the original film story pretty closely and still get it so wrong; which is a shame, because it has a good cast attached to it, with Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Samuel L Jackson and Pom Klementieff all from the Marvel cinematic universe – and Rami Malek briefly making a scene.

So, what exactly is wrong with this version?

Let’s start with Joe’s time locked away and his transition to a modern world. Joe spirals at first, once he figures out there’s no freedom in sight he does attempt suicide, he tries to adopt a wild mouse Green Mile style, and draws a face on a pillow in his own blood; however, once free, there is no erratic behaviour, he adapts to modern technology right away, he shows he’s capable of planning and executing those plans.

In comparison, Dae-su displayed some psychotic behaviour; he was overly protective if his diaries, had outbursts of anger and violence, and was compulsive. A good scene to really compare the two characters is when they discover the Chinese restaurant; Joe has enough forethought to wait for the henchman to leave, follow the delivery boy and take his bike to find his captors. Dae-su, on the other hand, sees the delivery boy with a big order and chased that moped on foot; he does not second guess that the delivery could be for a large gathering, he just runs.

Joe shows meticulous planning when facing Chaney, the manager of the holding facilities; he precisely cuts chunks out of Chaney’s neck and fills them with salt to torture him, while Dae-su took the first thing on hand – the famous hammer – and just prys out teeth!

Although both Marie and Mi-do are both very 2D characters, existing only as the love interest, Mi-do shows genuine love for Dae-su; she is an innocent girl who chooses him (albeit through hypnosis) as her ‘first’, promising him that when she’s ready she will sing his favourite song. Marie, on the other hand, simply has poor taste in men and swaps one bad habit for another; a former drug user now addicted to ‘lost causes’, Lee tries to pass off her new obsession of Joe as ‘love’ and it’s portrayed poorly.

I’m not sure what’s cringier, Adrian’s obviously fake British accent, or that he has no charm whatsoever; sure, his character may be more mentally scarred compared to Woo-jin, but he shows more erratic and impulsive behaviour for someone who planned a twenty year revenge – compared to Joe, who was the one in solitary. Woo-jin has a calm charm to him that balances Dae-su’s impulsive behaviour.

Adrian promises Joe he will kill himself, but Woo-jin promised Dae-su the instrument to his death, the chance for his own revenge; Woo-jin never planned for Dae-su to have control over his life, he only offered an incentive to solve the mystery and protect Mi-do. There is no such incentive for Joe, Marie is safe and he only has to solve the mystery to clear his own name – Dae-su never cared about clearing his own name, just Mi-do and his revenge.

The reasonings behind the antagonists revenge is similar and yet different. Peodophilla, especially in a family setting, is gross to think about and disturbing when you consider how well groomed Adrian and his sister were; however, going for this gritter version misses the point of Woo-jin’s revenge completely. Woo-jin and his sister’s incest story – although equally disturbing – was young, innocent curiosity, it was never shown that the pair slept together and Korea’s sex education system at the time may have been enough to convince Woo-jin’s sister she was pregnant without intercourse.

Woo-jin loved his sister dearly, and watched (some may argue helped) her commit suicide, it softens the blow of the incest story and makes you sympathise with Woo-jin; for Adrian, there is no softening the blow, he claimed he loved his father but did he really? His feeling are complex but obviously still twisted. What separates the end of the two antagonists is that Woo-jin wanted to join his sister once his revenge was complete, shown by his memory of him holding her off the dam before he kills himself, while Adrian just wanted to end his own, tortured, suffering.

Dae-su’s ending was left to interpretation. Did he find the hypnotist and wipe the truth from his memory, or did he just convince himself he did in order to live like the monster he is? Joe shows no growth on his end, he doesn’t face Marie and the truth but chooses to hide away once more, running from his responsibilities like he had done before his twenty year imprisonment, like a coward.

While I appreciate the little nods to the original film (which you would miss if you’ve never seen it), Oldboy 2013 skirts over the dark humour and characterization that made its 2003 predecessor a success. As a whole, Spike Lee missed the most important message Oldboy gave: Even though I am no more than a monster, don’t I, too, have the right to live?